The Alien Happy New Year

I have been having some very weird dreams lately. Last night (probably inspired by a combination of recently watching the last episode of the 3rd series of the revived Doctor Who, and reading Robert Silverberg's Heinlein tribute novel The Alien Years, I dreamed that the earth had been invaded and conquered by strange aliens. Humanity was helpless, with alien space vessels hovering in the sky overhead and sitting menacingly on launch pads, though I never saw one of the actual creatures themselves.

Then for some reason the entire planet jerked into motion and started to move off into space, at which I quipped "at least we're moving away from them" before waking up. Nice to know I still have a sense of humour when I'm asleep.

Anyway, here's hoping you can also look on the bright side during 2008. Happy New Year!

Giving credit where credit is due

"It is unfair and irresponsible of the [British] government to put pressure on the public to spend in order to revive the economy."
--Rt Rev Stephen Lowe, Bishop of Hulme

As the worldwide recession deepens, governments everywhere are pumping taxpayers' money into failing banks to encourage them to keep lending to faltering businesses, while at the same time offering incentives to consumers to spend more in order to revive economic activity - spending the way out of trouble. Here in Hong Kong, there have been suggestions that the government should hand out $1,000 to every citizen to keep the economy ticking over.

Then ATV News a couple of weeks ago highlighted HSBC's chief economist and its local boss both arguing that consumer credit should be curbed, and announcing that the bank will raise interest rates on its credit cards. It is unwise, they tell us, to spend money you don't have.

Sound advice, especially when you don't know how long your job may last, and some of Britain's bishops have taken the UK government to task for not agreeing with it. But HSBC is one of the recipients of British government support to keep credit lines open, so it seems a bit disingenuous of them to be arguing the opposite case in Hong Kong. Not to mention that if the banks had followed their own advice, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

Oh all right then, Merry Christmas!

As possibly the last blogger in Hong Kong to do so, may I wish all my 27 readers the very best for the current Christmas season (or whatever festival you celebrate around now) and the coming New Year. I was in Japan for a few days before Christmas (more on that soon), and am now marking 50 assignments from my Marketing students, so not much time to write lately, but normal (dis)service will be resumed soon. Cheers!

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

In well balanced public transport systems all over the world, taxis are seen as feeders to bus and railway routes, which do not offer door-to-door convenience but are far more fuel and space efficient in carrying large numbers of people over long distances.

However, this is Hong Kong. Our new taxi fare structure makes longer journeys cheaper per kilometre than short ones. Whatever this may do for cabbies' incomes, it can only encourage more people to make long journeys by taxi, increasing Hong Kong's already horrendous road congestion and air pollution.

I have argued before that the Hong Kong government has no concept of an integrated transport policy. This latest move once again proves me right.

This is not, of course, their only silly decision. I am a great believer in restrictions on smoking, but these have to be balanced against the right of smokers to choose to ruin their health so long as they do not inconvenience others. So why is smoking banned in Hong Kong's public parks, where the smoke has plenty of room to disperse, but allowed in the crowded streets of areas like Mongkok, where it is literally in your face? I think we should be told.

Miraculous Transformation

I don't often eat in McDonald's, but sometimes when I'm in a hurry and it's near, I'll take the easy option. So today I tried their new Ebi Burger, an import from their Japanese operations.

This, their advertising tells me, is made of carefully selected superior shrimps, and this is illustrated with pictures of succulent fresh pink shrimp. Only one mystery remains: how do they convert this into the near-tasteless rubbery grey mass that appears in the actual burger?

At least in some countries you can get beer with your burger...

Time Has (Not) Told Me

Just to reinforce Fumier's belief that our technology is somewhat behind the times out here north of the Red Lips Bar, here is the sundial in the park behind Eightland Gardens in Taipo. A nice design feature perhaps, but its reliability as a timepiece leaves something to be desired - the picture below was taken at 2 pm yesterday.

Above It All

It's ironic to see the Hong Kong government trying to whip up a storm of patriotic excitement over the visit of China's astronauts to the SAR. If the view from space teaches us anything, it should be that all those lines between countries on the map don't really exist on the ground. We all share the same small beautiful blue ball of a planet, and it's about time we stopped playing "my bit is better than your bit" over it.

TVBegone

Enormously profitable TVB is nevertheless using the recession as an excuse to fire over 200 of its production staff. They could save just as much money, and do Hong Kong a big favour to boot, by sacking some of their overpaid "talent" instead. A good starting point would be to get rid of Eric Tsang's incredibly irritating voice, Nat Chan's inane grin, and a few of the legion of brainless bimbos who plague TVB's vapid variety shows like a swarm of locusts.

Market Rates

Reports by Hong Kong's Director of Audit usually offer an entertaining insight into governmental incompetence, and the latest is no exception. It appears that almost a quarter of stalls in public markets are unlet, and many markets are losing money. At the same time, many stall rents have not been raised for a number of years.

The report offers a number of accounts of mismanagement which clearly need to be rectified, but its two main conclusions appear to be rather contradictory: that more should be done to let vacant stalls, and that too many stalls are underpriced. Surely the fact that so many stalls are vacant suggests that the rental asked for them is too high? Basic economics tells us that lowering the rent will increase the take-up of stalls; raising it will drive away more business.

There is no doubt that shopping patterns are changing, with supermarkets taking away a big chunk of the fresh food business, but it would be a shame to see Hong Kong's wet markets disappear - they are part of the local culture, and generally offer a larger selection of fresh foods, particularly seafood, than the supermarkets. Perhaps the current recession will drive customers back to the markets, which are generally somewhat cheaper.

Bringing it all back home

In considering big moral questions, it sometimes help to reduce them to small scale analogies that are closer to home.

Let's say that members of a gang invaded your home on 11 September and killed some of your family members, some of the gang members also dying in the process. Subsequently the gang threatens further violence against you.

Later you find that members of the gang, possibly including those who planned the first attack, are sheltering in another house up the street. The home owner does nothing to help bring the gang members to justice, and does not kick them out into the street where you might be able to do so yourself. So the question is, would you be justified in breaking into his home to get them yourself?

Maybe, you may say. But how about if you were likely to kill some of his children in the process?

Hmm, more difficult, huh? So the real question is, should the US attack al-Qaeda members in Pakistan against the wishes of the Pakistani government? And can they do this without "collateral damage", i.e. risking the killing of innocent Pakistanis in the process? Just one of the difficult questions President Obama will have to grapple with.

Bankers with a W

Democrats in the US Congress - and responsible banks - are angry that the US700,000,000,000 they supposedly voted to rescue the economy is being diverted to help the offending banks rather than aid their victims. Why am I not surprised? At least when the British government rescued banks in trouble they changed their management; under the mendacious Bush regime it seems to be business (and bonuses) as usual for the greedy swindlers who created the mess that's now putting hundreds of thousands of hard working people around the world out of a job.

It's no surprise that "bankers" rhymes with another word that, like the financial crisis, begins with a "Dubya". And even as the world suffers the consequences of the mad Republican rush to deregulate everything, Bush is using his last days in office to strip away further regulations protecting workers and the environment - more destruction for the incoming Obama administration to undo. Obviously he is either incapable of learning or totally uncaring (probably both).

Headline on an advertising wraparound in the South China Morning Post: "W is coming to West Kowloon". Well, I suppose he has to go somewhere after leaving office, but why inflict him on us?

The Real McCain

It is ironic that John McCain's finest performance of the whole presidential campaign was his concession speech, which showed him at his best - it was calm, dignified, and generous towards President-elect Obama as well as thanking his own supporters. I wonder how far in advance it was written?

McCain didn't seem too unhappy. During the campaign, it was obvious that some of his more ignorant far right supporters had cast him as the great white defender of Christian civilisation and white privilege against the rampaging Muslim communist hordes of dark-skinned aliens with funny names storming the gate, a role McCain never appeared quite comfortable with, sometimes rebuking his supporters for their more extreme attacks on his opponent. Now he was free to be himself again - a man who may be a jerk at times, but who also has many friends on both sides of the political divide.

While McCain paid the obligatory tribute to Sarah Palin, he didn't invite his running mate to speak. Nevertheless, it appears she is already being cast in the role that never quite fitted McCain, but which she seems eager to embrace. No doubt we will hear more of her in four years' time - though if Obama runs the country as smartly as he ran his campaign, there should be little chance of him not getting a second term.

By the next election, many white Americans who still feel uncomfortable with seeing a black face in the White House will have become familiar with the idea and start to think more about his performance than his race. If he survives, that is - I hear that staff of one human rights organisation in Hong Kong are already placing bets on how long Obama will serve before someone assassinates him. Two men are already awaiting trial for planning to shoot him.

Back to Palin, one question going around is, does she really need to wear glasses? Or does she do it to make herself appear more intellectual? I wonder.

Yes! Yes!! YES!!!

No, not Meg Ryan faking an orgasm - just me celebrating America's return to sanity.

America's Last Chance

As American voters go to the polls today, the rest of the world holds its breath. After 8 years of Bush (I was going to say "of lies, torture, illegal war, abuse of human rights, fat snouts in the trough" and a whole lot of other things, but you know all that already), this may be America's last chance to redeem itself in the eyes of the world.

When you get down to it, the real question is not policies and the economy and arguments about who will or will not raise taxes. It's very simple - with whose hand on the nuclear trigger will you feel most comfortable: Obama's calm reasonableness, or McCain's hot temper and willingness to compromise most of his principles to win election (not to mention the prospect of it passing into the hands of Sarah Parrot with her stupidity and unscientific beliefs, as well as her own "palling around with terrorists")?

The polls look good, as do the gambling odds and the first results, but I'll still be crossing my fingers until the result is sure.

Welcome to Taiwan - Now Go Home

Mainland Chinese diplomat Chen Yunlin can no doubt expect a heated response to his Taiwan visit, which starts today, from the island's independence advocates. Just a couple of weeks ago, pro-independence demonstrators pushed another Mainland representative to the ground, and later half a million marched through the streets of Taipei denouncing Chen's planned visit.

The problem with all this is that it lacks imagination, and further violence will only get them depicted as a bunch of hooligans. Instead, why don't they turn out half a million people to greet Chen warmly - with banners reading "Welcome to the free, independent and democratic nation of Taiwan"?

As for Taiwan's repeated attempts to secure United Nations representation, China is being a little hypocritical in blocking this on the grounds that China already represents the island and a separate seat would therefore be redundant. When Belarus and Ukraine held seats at the UN in addition to being represented as part of the Soviet Union, China never objected.

The lazy incompetent's guide to educational success

Looking for freelance writing opportunities today, I came across a couple of distinctly dodgy ads on Hong Kong Craigslist.

The first says:

"We are an educational company that specializes in university admissions services. We help students to apply and gain entry to their desired programs (College / MBA / Grad School).

Part of the application process involves the drafting of Admissions Essays, Letters of Recommendation etc. We are looking for talented writers who can produce interesting and effective work, in order to market our students in the best possible light.

Each project / university application comprises of the following:
- 4 to 7 essays (ranging from 100 to 600 words each) AND
- 2 to 3 recommendation letters (each addressing 5 to 8 questions)

We will provide the student's educational and academic profile (including CV and notes) and other related information.

We pay US$50-100 for the successful completion of each project. We have thousands of students each year so you can be guaranteed consistent work if you are good!"

Having worked my arse off to get my own MBA, it pisses me off to see this kind of scam. How does blatant plagiarism present a student "in the best possible light"? It shows them up for what they are - lazy incompetent frauds.

Should you wish to suggest to these conmen that their students might be better suited to working in McDonald's than the world of higher education if they are unable to write their own application essays, their email address is career@toprep.com.sg (the sg indicating Singapore, though they could be anywhere). I wonder if this kind of false application is a legal offence?

The second ad is headed Freelance Wtiring [sic] Talent Wanted (Global). It seeks candidates with good writing ability and research skills, and preferably academic writing experience - presumably competence in spelling is optional. They are looking for graduates in a range of subjects - for what they don't say, but academic plagiarism would probably be a good guess here as well. Far be it from me to suggest that their email address - job-896064625@craigslist.org - should be flooded with bogus responses. No indication of their whereabouts in the address, but they ask respondents to put "Thai-writer" in the subject line, which provides a clue.

The irony of all this is that I would probably be good at doing this stuff, but I want no part of it. It's unfair to those hard-working students who make the effort to do their own work, and it devalues everybody's qualifications.

Can't talk now, I'm at the phone

For most of my life, it was usual for people to write "call me on 12345678". Now it seems to be common for people to use "at 12345678" instead.

Is this a Hong Kong Chinglish thing, or in today's digital world, do people no longer recognise any distinction between a physical location and an electronic one?

Big Man in Bed Gets Wed

Amid the heavier news of plunging stock markets, the report of the wedding of Manuel Uribe, the world's fattest man, came as light relief. But stories of these morbidly obese gargantuan eaters confined to bed always make me wonder about the role of their family. When the fatty first decides to stay in bed and asks for three breakfasts and a bedpan, why don't they just say, "Get up and get it yourself, you lazy bugger"? Wouldn't it save an awful lot of trouble?

For Uribe, there may be a better life ahead. Maintained on a strict diet by his new wife, he has already shed 250 of his previous 560 kilograms, and may in time be able to look forward to other pleasures in life than food.

I always said spammers were stupid, but this one plumbs new depths of stupidity

Text of a spam email received this morning:

Anje1lna Jo1ie p0rn video, file attached, watch himHim?  I rest my case.

Shining city on a hill - just where it shouldn't be

From the promotional material for Sun Hung Kai's new Park One development in Shatin (above), it appears that the Hong Kong government continues to learn nothing about planning.

Over the years, the Parkview development on Hong Kong Island has received a ton of criticism. While probably a nice place to live (unless your name is Kissel), with stunning views over Tai Tam Country Park, for everyone but the handful of wealthy residents it is an ugly eyesore that blights the view from just about every corner of the park.

Two decades on, and the government is still permitting developers to stain the countryside and ruin green views with massive hilltop developments that stick out like a sore thumb. When will Hong Kong be run for the benefit of the people and not the big property developers? (I know, silly question - when we get real democracy. Which may be why we don't.)

Not content with raping the countryside, Sun Hung Kai is taking liberties with the English language as well, by describing this as a "low-rise" development. Huh? To me, you, and most people, low-rise means 3 or 4 floors at most - something you can walk up without needing a lift. Far from being low-rise, Park One is about 50% higher than the building in Rotterdam that claims to be Europe's first high-rise. But then, SHK is the company that succeeded in changing the laws of physics.

Still, all is not bad news for the environment in Hong Kong. It was announced a couple of weeks ago that the disastrous Soko Islands LPG terminal plan will not go ahead. Cheers!